Loser After All.

I'm feeling the "I'm such a loser" thing all over again. I really hate myself for feeling that especially when I've decided that finding a job shouldn't be my agenda for my holidays, but can't help but feel like a TOTAL LOSER when everyone else around me seem to working. DARN IT.

I hate myself at times when I don't do the same as my peers, especially like getting a job and working the holidays off. I don't even know what fucking wrong is with me for not wanting to find a job and earn some money. DARN, I'm feeling even shitty now. ARGH!!! Why can't I get myself out of this whirlpool even though I manage to pull myself away from it for sometime. Sometimes I just really hate myself for being such a coward for not wanting to work and finding excuses. I think I often over think many things - like driving and fear that it will clash with finding a job, like having events to attend to clash with finding a job. I hate myself for that too, is just me.

I'm feeling like shit now.
Does anyone even know how I feel? I hate to think that I'm a loser. I feel like crying. Right now, I'm feeling like an emotional train wreck.

Loved and take care.